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Everyone remembers the cartoon show Scooby-Doo? As we've gotten
older, it's become clear what Fred, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma, and Scooby were
all about as theytravelled the country solving crimes in the Mystery Machine.
WHAT WE REMEMBER: Four teenagers and their trusted dog galavanting across
the country in their purple and green van solving mysteries
THE TRUTH: Four high-school dropouts and their dog riding around the country
in their psychedelic love machine, occasionally taking off criminals's masks,
and earning their way by selling drugs. Take Shaggy for example.He is the
inspiration for the current 'grunge' scene, with his sloppy styles and facial
hair. Shaggy obviously smokes marijuana. Why do you think he constantly
has the muchies? Shaggy can make a six foot sandwich and swallow it whole.
And then there's Scooby. Dogs do not generally smoke joints and therefore
Scooby gets his 'high' from Scooby-Snacks, which are in fact Hash-Brownies.
Whenever Scooby, or Shaggy for that matter, eats a Scooby-Snack, they go
balistic! It just blows their mind and they do whatever they are told, because
they are so lit!
The other characters do not actively take part in the stoner-fest that Shaggy
and Scooby do, but they do condone the selling of it because it helps support
their jaunts across the country (and the world -- they drove to China once).
These other characters do have their own peculiarities however... Fred and
Daphne are always jetting off from the group to go 'solve the case' by themselves.
It's no real mystery what these two are doing -- Daphne, with her pretty
pink legs, and Fred are constantly bumping uglies in the back of the Mystery
Machine. Fred is, by the way, pumped up on steroids. One thing that remains
a mystery though, is why he always wore that stupid scarf around his neck.
Velma?One word-lesbian. But because the only other female cast member was
involved with Fred, she resorted to beastiality. Where do you think Scrappy-Doo
came from? Scrappy, who was a dog yet spoke perfect English, was obviously
a product of Velma and Scooby.
So these kids spent their teenage years driving around the world, slangin'
dope, shooting steroids, eating hash brownies, and fucking their dog. Oh,
if we had only known these things when we watched this cartoon as children...
